My Life, the Simulation

I am not sure where to begin, so I’ll start from the best and glitch my way backwards.

Part One: The Promotion Paradox:
I work for the Department of Defense - yep, the one with acronyms, clearances, and apparently, irony. I applied for a higher pay grade and felt like I had crushed the interview. I’m talking Oscar-worthy performance, thank-you-mic-drop kind of crushed.
Weeks later, my supervisor calls me into his office. I’m thinking, Here it comes. Let’s go, new title and salary upgrade! Instead, he sits me down and says, “You did a great job …. But you didn’t get the job.”

Oh, but wait - plot twist! While we’re here delivering disappointments, he casually mentions I was also nominated for employee of the quarter… and didn’t get that either.

Me: “Do you have any good news for me? Did I win the consolation prize at least, or is disappointment the theme of the day?”
Honestly, I could’ve gone my whole life not knowing either of those things. But noooo. Apparently, someone programmed my life with cut-scenes of mild emotional damage for comic effect.
Part Two: The Medical Minigame

Going to the doctor in 2025 feels like auditioning or Law & Order: Patient Interrogation Unit.

Call to make an appointment: “What are your symptoms?” -[you answer] - “What’s you DOB, address, phone, favorite color, last four dreams, oh and your spirit animal?” - [you comply.]

Arrive at the clinic: "What brings you in today?" – "Date of birth? Address? Phone number? Insurance carrier? Mother’s maiden name?, oh and lets not forget favorite color, last four dreams, oh and your spirit animal?” -[You think - I have already told all this to The Gatekeepers..]

Nurse Calls You Back: “So, what’s going on with you today?” -[you … I feel like Im beiing gaslit by the medical industrial complex.]

Doctor Finally Strolls In and ch

eerful as can be says: “So What brings you in here today?”

At this point you casually reply - “I don’t know, Doc! I think I’m here for Jury Duty?”

Part Three: Fast Food Glitches

Ordering for has become its own side quest. All I want is a pepperoni pizza and a cheese pissa. You’d think that was simple, but according to my simulation, “Pepperoni” + “Cheese” offen get interpreted as “two pepperoni with extra confusion.”

My kids? Just want a hamburger. Plain. With cheese

Cashier: “What’s ‘plain’ mean?”
Me: “Bun. Patty. Cheese. That’s it.”
Reality: Pickles, ketchup, mustard, and shattered expectations.

Oh, and here another classic: have you ever been to KFC, thats KENTUCKY. FRIED. CHICKEN. Only to be told “Sorry were out of chicken".
I’ve had it happen twice. My mom, twice. My kids, once. Either it's genetic or someone's messing with us.

Final Thoughts: Glitches Are the Plot

At this point, I believe someone behind the curtain is throwing bugs in my life script just to see how I’ll respond. Will I laugh? Will I Scream? Will I lose on some poor innocent being?